How Do We Fix This?
by KatieClay
Summary: Joe/Carol. Set sort of in the middle/after the episode of Heartbeat where Joe sleeps with Rachel, only a couple of weeks after breaking up with Carol. Basically how they are both coping with it. One chapter Joe's perspective, next Carol's etc.
1. Final Mistakes

**A/N: OK, time for some more Heartbeat fanfiction :D Chapter 1. As some of you know, I've been a little lost for inspiration lately, and so I've been struggling to write. Fortunatly that seems to be passing over now, and so hopefully I'll soon be realing off more stories. After this I might try some different stuff, rather than just the plain old story - so watch this space!!**

**This story is set just after the break-up of Joe and Carol, the day after he slept with Rachel and the afternoon after Carol walked into his living room to find Rachel sat on the sofa in her dressing gown. The word in italics are Joe's thoughts. Enjoy.**

The police house was not the place to be for Joe right now. In fact, he wasn't exactly sure where a good place would be, but he knew it wasn't here, within these four walls, staring at some sort of file on his piled desk. He glanced at the clock; 1:30, time for a quick lunch break, an excuse to get out of the house, at least keep out of the way of Carol.  
_  
Dear God, that morning had to be one of the most embarrassing in his life. What had he been thinking? The words came back to haunt him, "Anything I suggest you have to say yes." What _had _he been thinking! Yes had been his answer of course, like anyone would say no when DS Daw...Rachel...came onto them. Oh God...and then the breakfast thing, and oh God, Carol of all people Carol had to see her._

"Kill me, kill me now." He muttered under his breath at the desk.

_O__h God no, please no. Please say that didn't happen. Oh she has, she has, DS Dawson had seen him naked. Bloody Hell....he couldn't go back to work....ever_.

Joe picked up his coat from the desk and, standing up, slung it over his shoulder. He walked out into the hall, back towards the kitchen, lost in thought, staring at the ground. Unbeknownst to him, Carol, just as lost in thought, was walking in the other direction towards him. He noticed her feet, just as she noticed his. They looked up and stared awkwardly at each other for a few moments.

_Boy, she looked angry__ at seeing him there, she looked worse than that, disappointed. Why would she be disappointed? It's not like they were still together, that had ended weeks ago, still he felt he owed her something, an apology? An explanation? He opened his mouth to say something, what, he wasn't quite sure. Carol cut him short. _

"I don't want to hear it." She held up her hand and tried to push past him, but he moved to stop her.

"At least let me explain..." Carol took a couple of steps back.

_She sure as hell wasn't going to let him have the first word_.

"It's none of my business. Just answer me this, Joe, why did you sleep with her, Rachel that is? We were together what, 5 weeks and we didn't get that far...2 minutes with her..."

"She told me to..."

_Oh dear...that had sounded better in his head._

"If Rachel told you to jump off a cliff, would you?"

"No...it was a game...no not a.."

_Hole. Very big Hole. Stop. Now._

"Flirtation games!?!? I thought you were better than that Joe, in-fact I was beginning to think you were different from other men. I thought you had a mind of your own; but you just fall at her feet, just like everyone else! What is it? Is it the dominatrix in her you find attractive? Because she's your superior officer, because she forces herself on you, because she made up the rules?"

_Yes. No!_

"I slept with her because she was different to you! I thought that if I made love to Rachel it would make me feel better, I thought if I made a relationship with her it would push out anything I felt for you."

"And did it?"

"No. It made me feel wonderful, excited, but guilty. As soon as I woke up I regretted it, hoped it had been a dream."

"I wish it had been."

"Carol..."

"No Joe. There was a line and you crossed it. I came in this morning to apologize, I saw you talking to her last night and I...I guess I was jealous...and I thought...but, my God, now...?"

"It was you that ended this, not me!"

"Yes, because I was angry. I thought there was this connection between us, this understanding...obviously not. You just jump for the first attractive, single thing, on legs that happens to be in the same room. Do you want to warn Gina, or shall I? Look out Aidensfield, Joe's feeling a bit flirty today...!"

_Ouch. That hurt_.

"Come on, that's not fair..."

"Don't talk to me about fair! I'm the one that walked in on cops and robbers this morning...or have you forgotten about that already?! I have to go. I have a saturday clinic, and I guess you have people to be arresting, orders to obey...you know the deal. See you around Joe...and this time, I mean it." She walked past him and out of the door, left him standing in the hall, not sure at all where he was.

_Why does that feel so terrible? Where do I go from here? Who have I got now in this world?_


	2. Choices to Make

**A/N: Finally, another chapter! Thanks for all my reviews so far, the encouragement I got from them has been great! This has taken me a while to write, because I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to take this in, but I've gained some ideas that you'll hopefully like!! Chapter 2 is set in the persepective of Carol and looks more into why she broke up with Joe and how she feels about it now. OK, read, enjoy, review and watch this space for more!! **

Carol perched on the edge of her bed, pondering the conversation a few hours earlier with Joe; the lie she had told him still burning in the back of her mind. Her uniform dress lay just as she had taken it off, strewn onto the floor along with various other garments, while her feet played thoughtlessly over them. Her mind was distracted, she knew that.

_This wasn't like her, she knew that too. Something was wrong, she also knew what. __She'd been sat like this for 2 hours, staring from her window across the rolling moors, what else was there to do? Afternoon surgery? That had been a lie. Come on Carol...Pull yourself together. _

Snow was beginning to fall outside, a few flakes drifted past the window and settled on the sill. Carol remained where she was. Normally snow excited her, brought out the child in her, made her welcome the beauty it brought with it. Today it made her angry.

_Years ago, in the orphanage, she'd hated snow. She used to sit just like now and look out into the garden, watching the white precipitation cover everything in it blanket, relentlessly carrying on its work into the night. That bit had been perfect, watching the light gleam off of the surface, well into the night; snow took away the dark, even when the sun was gone. That she liked.  
Morning had brought the boys, years older than her, ruining the beauty, taking away the light, drowning her in a sea of ice; murdering her snowmen. It was only later, when she could preserve it's beauty, at nursing college, did it make her feel happy. Today, however, it was like the orphanage again, the boys were waiting to destroy the happiness. _

There was so much to think about. This morning everything had been so clear, now it was just a hazy mess. She'd grown up with the theory of 'All or Nothing', now it seemed at best she would get half. That morning she'd gone to sort things out, talk to Joe, tell him everything, and then she'd seen Rachel.

_What had he been thinking? She wasn't angry...at least she didn't think she was...no, it was disappointment, not what she'd been expecting._ _Was it her fault? Probably...she'd waited too long to sort things out...it had been wrong to argue with him, but she was upset, confused and now she worried that she's done the same thing all over again. _

The item that had started all of this off leant against the window pane, the foreground to the snow scene outside. Sat, still unmoving, Carol stared at it coolly, like the day that it had arrived.

_She'd come in from a tough day at work, she'd had her disagreements with Joe, now all she was looking forward to was a drink in the pub, with or without him. She'd gone home to get changed: and there it was, as she pushed open her door, sat on her doormat; a cream envelope__, no stamp, with swift black handwriting, each letter and dot perfectly placed:_

**Miss Caroline Rose Cassidy  
4, High Street****,  
Aidensfield,  
Ashfordly,  
Yorkshire.  
**_  
If it wasn't for her middle name, so prominently placed, she wouldn't have given it a second thought, but in that second she'd wanted to weep, with happiness, with joy, with sadness, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that the only person who knew her middle name, was the only person, save Joe, that she had ever loved._

She'd not opened it. She hadn't needed to; she had Joe. But that night, in the spur of the moment, she'd broken up with him. Whether it was because she'd been angry with a trait of personality that she would have normally overlooked, or whether she was still in love with someone else, she wasn't sure. This morning she had decided, and this morning she had been forced to think again.

The letter had sat in her drawer for a month now, in the hope that she'd never need to read what was inside; but this morning made up her mind, right or wrong, she was going to open it.

Carol reached up to the window and lifted the letter, brushing her knuckles on the cool glass, reminding her briefly of her own existence. In the month that had passed, the glue on the envelope had dried, and the tab easily opened. She took a deep breath, realising that this could be anything, and slid the crisp paper from inside. Unfolding it, she noticed that her fingers trembled, but ignored it and began to read:

**Carol,**

I've never had to write anything like this before, so apologies if it takes a while for me to get it right. **It's been a year since I left, and Lord knows I've wanted to write, but I was thinking about what you said, considering what it meant. When I left, and you didn't come, it hurt that I had to leave you behind, but I understood. **

**I'm in the area searching for a job, Ashfordly is not a place I can go back to, ****there are too many memories, but I'm hoping that I will find somewhere.**

**You might have started a new life****, with someone else, and it's fine if you have, but Carol, darling Carol, if there is any chance for you and me, for that love again, please, let me know.**

**Yours Forever  
Love  
Rob **

_Life is a series of choices, but which one do I make?_


	3. A Cold Reception

**A/N: I am so sorry, folks! This has been really difficult (trying not to break any rules :p), so just a short chapter this time (apologies), even with the long delay in posting. This one is from Joe's perspective, taking place around the last scene in the pub of the episode. Fear not, however, about the story, for I have finished the last chapter, and so I have an ending to aim towards, so hopefully I'll not be too long in posting the next section (I promise). Thankyou for all your comments once again. They are all highly appreciated, and very encouraging. And also thankyou to my overseas readers - that in itself offers some inspiration :D Hope this chapter doesn't disapoint xx Enjoy.**

The relentless blizzard outside had drawn a crowd to gather around the glowing fire at the Aidensfield Arms; the Ashfordly Police Force among them, having retired for the night. The day had been long; a spate of poisoning amongst the Aidensfield Band had proved more than enough for the constables, especially Joe, whose emotional state was far from perfect. Even now, Joe wasn't quite sure if this was the ideal place to be, with Carol sat at one end of the bar, and Rachel at the other, in an almost taunting sort of way. He chose the middle, next to Don, who offered generously to buy the first round.

_Well isn't this just the perfect way to start the evening? Am I meant to make a choice? I can't face Rachel right now...not after... that. __Carol looked beautiful tonight; he'd seen her briefly as he'd walked through the door, her golden hair cascading onto her shoulders. She, he noticed, was wearing the earrings that he'd liked so much, but that she would never wear. They looked as nice as he'd imagined. She looked melancholy. He didn't like that. He needed to talk to her. Don was saying something. He was staring. Stop it. Look away. Blink. _

Joe listened, but far from heard what Don was saying; the words merging into one as he decided what he had to say to Carol. He excused himself from Don, and sauntered over to her, hands in his pockets, speech in mind, prepared for anything she could throw at him.

"Hi..."

_OK. That was it. He'd blown it, stuttered. Now he looked like a fool. She's looking at you. Say something...._

"About this morning...."

_Anger welled up inside him. Finishing a sentence might make you look a little less....awkward. _

"There's nothing to say, Joe." She glanced at him for a second, and then looked down at the bar.

_Hell, she was lying.__ He could see it in her eyes. She was so angry, hurt and confused. He wished he knew how to help her, what to say to make it right._

"You don't seem very comfortable with it."

_He wished they were somewhere more private, where he could say what__ he felt, where she could hold her, kiss her, tell her that all he wanted was to be with her forever. Now all he could feel was Don breathing down his neck, and Rachel's stare burning in the back of his mind._

"Why is it that men think they're the most important thing in a woman's life? We weren't going anywhere Joe, we still aren't." Carol stood up and left quickly.

_She's going, stop her! Say something!_

But he couldn't. His feet were frozen and his tongue was tied.

_Why has she left? Why won't she speak? Why is she wearing those earrings?_


	4. Unexpected Feelings

**A/N Sorry, once again, for the long delay. This chapter was much harder than I ever imagined it would be, having serious trouble deciding how to write it, and trying to make it fit with the last chapter which I already had - which I ended up re-writing about 10 times XD Having completed this story now (thankfully at last!) I hope to get round to writing some more stuff - so watch this space!! Thanks for all the reviews, personal messages and encouragement, from several countries :D Hope the last couple of chapters don't disappoint - Enjoy. x**

Carol had left the Aidensfield Arms quite unexpectedly, and suddenly found herself outside, awkwardly wishing she hadn't left in such a hurry. The icy snow fell against her bare arms, making her shiver, while she had to blink against the force of the wind. She crossed her arms and held herself against the elements, as she hurried to the rear of the pub, where she leaned against the kitchen door, trying to clear her head of the muddle of thoughts and feelings that had collected there over the last few hours of her life.

_Why did she feel so awkward, so stupid? Why did she feel like a school girl, trying to hide her boyfriend from over-curious carers? Joe's face in there had shown hurt, but had it made her sad, guilty, regretful? She wished she could understand her feelings, wished she could be free of the chains of confusion that had wrapped themselves around her thoughts. _

A knocking on the door behind disturbed her train of thought. Turning, Carol smiled at the glowing faces of Gina and baby Philip peering from the box-like window of the kitchen.

_Great. This is all I need. _

The door opened and a billowing warmth hit Carol's face, reminding her of the cold she was feeling and making her realise just how damp her clothes had become. Gina ushered her inside, sheltering Philip's head from the draft of snowflakes that flurried inside. She perched herself against the cooker, while Gina laid Philip in a nearby cot, before sauntering over, a worried look upon her face.

"Carol…I was just in the bar. You and Joe…"

"It's nothing."

_Hell, it felt like something, __She had to stop lying._

"It didn't sound like nothing. It sounded like you have something on your mind."

_Something. Someone. Same thing._

"Its not Joe, it's me. This morning I walked into his front room and found DS Dawson in a skimpy nighty and his dressing gown." Gina rested a warm hand onto her shoulder.

"Oh Carol, I'm sorry."

"It's not like we were still together."

"Yeah, but you were close, right?"

_Physically, yes, mentally, she wasn't sure….._

"Yes, I guess, I don't know…"

"Carol? There's something else, isn't there?" Carol sighed, maybe to get it out of her system would help explain it, help her make a decision.

"A few weeks ago I got a letter from Rob, Rob Walker. I opened it this morning. There were things in it, I called him, we talked, he's coming to Aidensfield. He wants us to try again."

"What do you want?"

_It would be nice to find out._

"I thought I wanted Rob, then I thought I wanted Joe, now I'm not sure I want either..." Philip began to wriggle in his cot, before bursting into floods of tears. Gina lent over a lifted him from his cot, smelling him lovingly.

"Look Carol, I'm going to have to change Philip. I'm here if you need me, OK?"

"Thanks"

Carol appreciated the support, yet she still felt so alone. Gina couldn't make a decision for her. She realised that she only had herself to use. What if she made the wrong choice?

She sat pondering the decision, staring hard at the cooker, as if it would tell her the answer, hoping that she would not have to make the choice for herself. Carol stood and wandered to the door, staring out into the blizzard of the night. She caught a glimpse of her own reflection, staring back at her, overwhelming her.

_You've been looking everywhere for an answer, everywhere but yourself. What do you really want, who do you want? Didn't you always say never look back? You need to speak to him, Carol. Don't let yourself down twice. _

It was the earrings. Rob had left them there, on her desk, the night before he left. She had found them, never had a chance to even thank him. Tonight she had put them on, for the first time. She had wanted them to make her feel loved, give her a sense of belonging, make the choice that she thought was right, instead she felt branded and owned.

_You have to tell him, Carol. Go to him. This isn't right. __God, make this easy._

Carol took the earrings from her ears, and placed them delicately into the lost property tray on her way outside. She hoped she was doing the right thing.

* * * * *

They were meeting at 8, by the station. Carol perched on the bench, holding her handbag close with both hands, nervously opening and closing the catch. A few people arrived and left, the clock ticked methodically, the trains came and went on time, yet nothing felt quite so precise to her. She had been sat here for an hour. It was nine. He wasn't coming. But something made her stay.

_I'm ready for the truth. _

Carol picked herself up from the bench, took a deep breath in then made her way back to the village. As she walked, the tears that she had expected to fall didn't come. She entered the church graveyard, passed the stones marking Phil Bellamy, Daniel Ward, countless patients. And then she found him: on his knees sobbing at his wife's grave. There was nothing to say. She just let him cry on her shoulder.

_Will he ever let her go? Do I love Joe? Would I ever stop crying if I lost him?_


	5. The Missing Link

It was 10 O'clock. Thirty minutes had passed since Carol had said farewell to Rob for the final time. She stared from window, trying to figure out what she was feeling.

_She felt so broken, so lost. __She'd been cruel to Joe, and now she was regretting it. She felt there was no-one in the world for her, no-one that thought the same. This was how her whole life had been: no links, biological or personal. Would she ever find that missing part of the chain that she was looking for?_

The world looked so empty outside. Carol stared at the police house, noticing the freshly fallen snow that had covered the footsteps that had angered her earlier as people had passed.

_Was he looking over here? Of course he wasn't._

Joe was. He was standing by the phone, just the same as she; staring at the unbroken snow that lay between them.

Carol watched Joe leave the house and turn to walk along the path that ran towards the village, a tear trickled slowly down her cheek, splashing next to the now useless phone; her last hope of companionship wandering slowly out of sight.

The snow crunched frustrating loud as Joe wandered purposefully along the road, disturbing his train of thought, angering him as it reminded him of the destructive path he was taking through the peaceful white. When he felt he had walked far enough, he crossed the street, turning back on himself, heading towards his destination.

Carol, while unsure why, had resolved to observe Joe's steady path along the street; therefore had noticed the decisive route he had taken through the snow. She studied the way he walked, almost in a trance, gingerly stepping on the fallen snow, as if he would harm it by creeping through it. Wondering on his precise movements, she neglected to notice his exact purpose, until he came to a halt directly in front of her own door. She glanced across to the police house, directly across from her own. Why he should walk all the way down the street to cross the road baffled her. Then she saw.

Joe paused before knocking, unsure of what to say. He looked back at his own house. It was too late to turn back now.

The couple, one story apart, looked towards the police house, their minds working in sync with each other. Carol thought about Joe, he thought about her. They were in love with each other, but for different reasons, and yet there was one that was the same. Their eyes followed the same pattern, lying on the snow. The undisturbed whiteness, there for them both to enjoy.

_They both knew: he hadn't__ had the heart to destroy the beauty of the snow, he hadn't been one of the boys in the orphanage; he was her missing link, and she was his._

Joe turned to the door, hand poised to knock, but it was opened before his fist had the chance to reach the wood. Carol stood there, perfect in every way; the light reflecting from the whiteness behind him making her face glow. She looked at him, her eyes saying everything that needed to be said, his saying more than they had ever done before.

The way that they stared into each others' eyes, reading thoughts that words could not begin to relay, meant there was no need for conversation. He tenderly took her hands and gently guided her into the snow, where they stood, disturbing the beauty together, but replacing it with a wonder of their own.

For a moment they paused, taking in the beauty of the moment, and then he kissed her, and she kissed back, both of them falling in love for the first time.

_And i__n that moment, that one instant, all thoughts from either were gone and, in their place, remained only feelings. _


End file.
